My story, my journey, my alcoholism (so far) hasn’t taken me to the depths of homelessness, park benches, hospitals or prisons but it has taken me to point where I lost myself, my spirit, my soul.
I wasn’t aware when I was drinking, just how much King Alcohol had me in it’s grips but on a particular Wednesday when I woke up from the previous night’s bender, I woke up with a sense of clarity. Looking back, it has been a long time coming but on that morning I just didn’t feel the same (I now believe that the last part of my soul died) and when I got to the mirror that was standing in my bedroom, I didn’t see a reflection of me staring back – I saw a red eyed, grey faced, broken woman looking back. I was a shell of my former self. I remember at that point, breaking into tears, climbing back into bed and wondering how I got to that sorry state. And once I got back into bed, I prayed. I prayed to a god, a god I didn’t know and truth be told, I didn’t want to know. I told this god that I didn’t want to be “me” anymore and that I needed help.
Help did come a couple days later.
I managed to email a place that I thought could help me and they put me in touch with a woman who was sober. I arranged to meet this woman for a coffee and on the Friday of that week, I met her.
I have to admit, I had previous misconceptions of what an “Alcoholic” was and whilst waiting for this woman, all sorts of images flew through my head. But when this woman walked through the door, she walked straight up to me, gave me a big hug, introduced herself and said “how are you?”. For the first time in 26 years, I told her how I was (through desperate tears) and when I finished, she smiled, told me her story and suggested what I could do to get sober.
I remember walking into that coffee shop soaked through with rain but the moment I walked out of that coffee shop, after speaking to that woman, I walked out to glorious sunshine. And as I walked to my car, I felt like a weight had been lifted and I felt like, for the first time in a long time… I had hope. That was 366 days ago.
I have to be honest, that to this day I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know why I had a moment of clarity that Wednesday morning, I don’t know why I emailed that place and I don’t know why I met that woman. But today, I am truly grateful I did because today I am one year and one day sober.
And do you know what? That woman I met… she met me when she was 366 days sober! I guess that’s the reason I’m writing this blog today. I believe that in order to keep it, you’ve got it give it away. I also believe that this platform would be the perfect avenue to expose my alcoholism because, like others, I will never be cured of this disease and maybe, just maybe by writing this blog, I may just get through (and help someone else get through) another day sober.